Letters to God

Dear God, 

My dad will be 87 this July.  Born in 1938, as you know, he has been farming since he was eight. You have blessed his life with many gifts, activities, family, and friends, but farming has always been his livelihood and joy. At 86, much of the work around the farm is now not possible. You know he annihilated his hip 2 1/2 years ago, compromising his activity level and leaving him unable to do a lot of what he used to.  Nonetheless, he beat the statistics on hip fractures, and during the spring and fall months, he can still climb on the tractor and work farmground. 

The voice on the other end of our daily calls is a tell-tale sign of his whereabouts: tractor versus side-by-side, indoors at the computer, or in the dreaded recliner. 

Winter days limit his options. You can find him playing Solitaire on his computer or in his recliner, watching the clock. 

It’s these moments that are hardest for him, making him a prime candidate for Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder.  He doesn’t feel productive because he’s not on a tractor. His perception is his reality. 

After listening to his complaints, I countered with some options he could try this winter—things in his skill set that would make him feel productive. He laughed, deflected, ignored, and then continued the conversation. 

I don’t get it.  

Then it hit me. 

Maybe, I do get it, more than I want to admit. For over two to three years now, after writing my first book and then my second, I have wanted to do some public speaking, especially for women’s groups. Lord, you know I have placed this before you almost daily. 

Several opportunities were presented, and although I’m not polished, the experience was rewarding. Thank you for letting me share. 

In January, I became brave and set a goal to speak 12 times this year. I’m not sure I even asked you about that goal. I just forged ahead. Sorry about that.

After getting the chance in January, my February engagement never materialized, and although I have one coming in May, I have been discouraged. Like my dad, my idea of what I need to do to feel productive may not be the only plan out there. It may not be what you have planned for me, Lord. 

Perhaps you are offering me other options, similar to how I did Dad. 

Am I listening, or am I laughing, deflecting, ignoring, and continuing my conversation?   

Maybe I’m not mature enough. 

Maybe it’s not your timing. 

There may be things I need to clean up and correct in my life.

Maybe I need to spend more time in your word, immersing in it and letting your thoughts guide me better.

Or could it be that you want me to be more mindful of what you’re placing right in front of me instead of chasing my plans?  

I was reminded this morning of my “go-to” verse.

 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am praying for Spring and sunny days ahead for my dad. I’ll continue to be a source of support and encouragement for him. 

For now, I’ll continue to watch for what you place in my path so I can live and serve as you intend. 

And I will wait…  

For you. 

For your direction. 

For your timing. 

For your will.  

And I will be faithful in little things so I may be trusted in greater things. Luke 16:10. 

Love, Rhonda